We all (well, most of us) want that one special person to spend the rest of our lives with. We want passion, romance, laughter, and mostly love. This is a theme I see often in my practice and one that takes continual effort. It’s an iterative process, where we dive deeper as we expand, grow and tap into the love we desire.

Whether you are in a relationship or not, these principles apply. We all have relationship issues. Relationships take work, work on ourselves and work with our partners. If you are single, it’s important to take the time to work on yourself rather than wish for someone to prance on in and make your life a better place. Equally, if you are in a relationship looking for your partner to fill a void within you, think again.

When you do the work for yourself and focus in on your life and your creations, that’s when relationships begin to transform and find there way to you.

Now some of you may be thinking, but I’ve been working on myself… I feel you, just remember to have faith in the process because it’s all for you. It will happen at the perfect time, in the perfect way, despite the outward appearance. Drop the judgment, and focus on what is.

Trust me, the last thing you want to do is force a relationship into existence, that’s when whiplash happens. If you are in a dark place when you meet a prospective partner and are looking for happiness in them, it’s helpful to reflect and take a deeper look within instead of buying into “your stuff” and letting that person sweep you off your feet only to bury you later on when you finally realize they weren’t the person you thought they were.

If you meet someone out of fear or lack, that’s what you will attract- more fear and more lack, and that fear and that lack is going to push that person so far away, it will feel like you never even knew them in the first place. And you didn’t because you didn’t even know yourself. So point being, don’t bury yourself, work on yourself. Now that’s not to say the experience can’t change and that the relationship itself can’t transform. Of course it can, relationships are dynamic- but it starts with you changing the way you enter into your relationships and experiences.

Lucille Ball said it best, “Love yourself first and everything else falls into place.” Learning to love yourself is a lifetime process, and it too takes work. But once you break the ice and begin to accept, appreciate, love and be in love with yourself and your life, nothing can stop you. So just break the ice.

So how can you begin to strengthen your current relationship with yourself, attract your perfect partner or renew your present love life and relationships? Let’s dive into 3 exercises that I have prescribed time and time again!

3 ways to activate love in your life

  • Learn from what you don’t want so it can lead you to what you do want: Take a moment to reflect on what has worked and what hasn’t in your past relationships. What patterns really have not worked in past relationships? Are these qualities mirroring patterns you have been holding onto? What have they brought up within you? What can you learn from these patterns? How can you grow through them? 
  • Focus on what you want: Now, write down all of the qualities you want in a partner. Write down the feelings you want to feel, the experiences you want to have, and then let go. Let go of expectation and attachment to the outcome and have faith that it will happen in the perfect time and in the perfect way.
  • Change your choices: Next, start bringing your desired experiences into your own life. For example, if you want to enjoy long walks with your partner as the sun sets. Start taking long walks, play some great music and enjoy the sunset. Another example, would you want your partner to think you are undeserving of love, unattractive, or judgmental? Well then stop depriving yourself of love, stop looking for blemishes on your skin, and stop judging yourself! Change your choices, change your world.

Finally, I believe everyone can have the love they desire and more, it just takes work, but it is so worth it. You are so worth it. I have seen these exercises bring and continue to bring many of my friends, family and patients to love, clarity, healing and beyond. They are the steps I too continue to take as I enter into the different phases of my life.

Does this mean that there won’t be challenges, ups, downs and bumps in the road? Of course, not. It’s a process so take your time, learn from your experiences, let go and grow! It’s all about the journey… it’s all about loving the journey.

And if you allow the journey to work for you, you will find more than just love, you will find health, happiness, freedom and most importantly yourself.

Love starts with you, choosing to embrace it.

For more information on how to create love, renew your relationship and live a life true to you, check out the Let Go & Grow program. I have found, personally and professionally, guidance of this kind to be very powerful.